WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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