i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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