Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
