so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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