Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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