One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
