I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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