once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
