morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
