That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
