all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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