Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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