There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
