You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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