The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
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