He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
