I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
