Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
