Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
