She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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