Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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