I wish you could order shots online.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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