drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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