I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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