im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
