i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Come share oat with me in your robe
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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