Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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