Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
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