just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
