this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
