He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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