If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
