But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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