I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
