9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
