Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
