Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
