All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize