i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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