Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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