My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.