Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
3pm strippers are depressing
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.