He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
