Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
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Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
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Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.