She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?