Texts From Last Night

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  (636): View more from Missouri

  I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani

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  (636): I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani http://tfl.nu/u2tc
  Replies (6) Good night (893) Bad night (1468)
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling

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  (774): What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling http://tfl.nu/ijkr
  Replies (21) Good night (1042) Bad night (6105)
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  (818): View more from California

  I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar

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  (818): I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar http://tfl.nu/o7a0
  Replies (13) Good night (3935) Bad night (914)
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  (562): View more from California

  I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff

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  (562): I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff http://tfl.nu/dgtn
  Replies (12) Good night (1015) Bad night (3817)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now

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  (913): Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now http://tfl.nu/wp4u
  Replies (35) Good night (7492) Bad night (981)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.

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  (215): We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug. http://tfl.nu/3xa9
  Replies (9) Good night (2263) Bad night (1215)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day

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  (512): Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day http://tfl.nu/zcoa
  Replies (6) Good night (2202) Bad night (1497)
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  (870): View more from Arkansas

  To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.

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  (870): To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical. http://tfl.nu/vs7y
  Replies (4) Good night (2918) Bad night (760)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?

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  (815): I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today? http://tfl.nu/jgbm
  Replies (10) Good night (788) Bad night (1207)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?

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  (253): How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head? http://tfl.nu/0ahi
  Replies (6) Good night (835) Bad night (630)
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?

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  (910): Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too? http://tfl.nu/5t37
  Replies (3) Good night (907) Bad night (607)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!

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  (404): It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs! http://tfl.nu/8k9t
  Replies (4) Good night (693) Bad night (320)
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  (435): View more from Utah

  Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.

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  (435): Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus. http://tfl.nu/v0t7
  Replies (6) Good night (559) Bad night (405)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "

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  (732): he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot " http://tfl.nu/4jvz
  Replies (7) Good night (1051) Bad night (364)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Brb crying the tears of my youth

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  (201): Brb crying the tears of my youth http://tfl.nu/pe8b
  Replies (0) Good night (269) Bad night (232)

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