Texts From Last Night

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  (631): View more from New York

  Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.

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  (631): Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life. http://tfl.nu/pg4a
  Replies (2) Good night (1085) Bad night (3125)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!

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  (484): I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia! http://tfl.nu/lfqp
  Replies (81) Good night (3449) Bad night (621)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.

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  (513): I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this. http://tfl.nu/ok35
  Replies (20) Good night (6568) Bad night (1389)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.

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  (860): I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows. http://tfl.nu/2kv7
  Replies (17) Good night (4836) Bad night (1319)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.

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  (317): Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will. http://tfl.nu/znpi
  Replies (10) Good night (2530) Bad night (1033)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.

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  (210): If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings. http://tfl.nu/8q1l
  Replies (9) Good night (4389) Bad night (914)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did

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  (732): 90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did http://tfl.nu/76ya
  Replies (9) Good night (2700) Bad night (1229)
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  (760): View more from California

  can you blow me for old times sake

  (951): View more from California

  only for old times sake

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  (760): can you blow me for old times sake (951): only for old times sake http://tfl.nu/ab6d
  Replies (9) Good night (3967) Bad night (892)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?

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  (843): Who's nuvaring is under my pillow? http://tfl.nu/bq0m
  Replies (7) Good night (723) Bad night (2817)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico

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  (201): Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico http://tfl.nu/pgpo
  Replies (6) Good night (1387) Bad night (1005)
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?

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  (262): Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush? http://tfl.nu/mk31
  Replies (13) Good night (702) Bad night (1086)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us

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  (403): The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us http://tfl.nu/rgjh
  Replies (6) Good night (968) Bad night (486)
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  (276): View more from Virginia

  I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.

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  (276): I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control. http://tfl.nu/jas4
  Replies (4) Good night (759) Bad night (517)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment

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  (773): We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment http://tfl.nu/wv2s
  Replies (2) Good night (695) Bad night (286)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.

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  (301): she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud. http://tfl.nu/ij9c
  Replies (4) Good night (1016) Bad night (323)

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