We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Plural? Please tell.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened