I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize