I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
