Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
