The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
