ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
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