We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I need water and some morals
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
