I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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