Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
