just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
we're so committed to being not committed
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
