Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
