I want to stick my p in your. b.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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