Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
