What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
