i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
