I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
