wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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