I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
