my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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