Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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