I think I died a long time ago.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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