I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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