What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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