Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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