so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
