We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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