Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Boobs are out for the taking
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
