can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
thus making me awesome and them whores
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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