You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
